Don't Leave Me Behind
by Lloyd10000
Summary: Commander John Shepard and Major Kaidan Alenko were enjoying a peaceful evening when it suddenly turned for the worse.


**A.N.- Hi everyone. This is my first story in this fandom. I hope the characters are mostly in character. I do hope you'll like it.**

 **Warning: attempted suicide and the feels!**

 **(man x man)** **Don't like don't read!**

* * *

 _In your life, at some point, someone once told you 'that your life flashes before your very eyes before you die' you probably most likely believed them. I wouldn't have believed it if you told me a few weeks ago._

One man appeared before us, aiming a gun to my abdomen, however neither of us, at the time, knew until the sound of a bullet leaving a gun sounded through the air. Kaidan and I froze for we didn't know what was going on. One minute, Kaidan was by my side, holding my hand then next he was killing the man ahead of us. I wondered 'Why was Kaidan getting taller? Wasn't I taller than him?' and it wasn't until I saw Kaidan's worried and scared face that I understood. I had collapsed to the ground. Kaidan appeared by my side and above me, holding something to my abdomen. He held one of my hands and whispered to me,

"John, you're going to ok. I got you, baby." Tears were forming in his eyes and I wondered again, 'Why are there tears, my love? I'm ok.' and I reached up with my free hand to wipe away the tears. Kaidan leaned into my touch and let go of my one hand to grab the one on his face. That was when the pain had started. At first, there was nothing, then it started to grow into a dull ache. Until it grew into a fierce, sharp pain. It felt like my insides were on fire. The pain got to be too much and I started to lose consciousness. All the while I heard Kaidan's frantic pleas,

"John! No! Stay awake! Baby, please..." As the last of my consciousness had begun to fade, I heard Kaidan cry out a whisper that sounded more like a prayer.

"Don't leave me behind..."

 _Even now, I still don't know if I do. I never would have thought it possible but there was no other explanation._

* * *

I gasped awake and sat up in bed. A sigh and a yawn sounded to my right, followed by two arms wrapping around my waist pulling me into a strong chest.

"(Yawn) What's wrong, John? Nightmares?" The voice behind me asked. The voice belonged to my lover and husband Kaidan Anlenko-Shepard. All I could do was nod. He pulled me closer and kissed my neck sweetly before he questioned in a whisper,

"Do you want to tell me about it?" He knew I wasn't always scared but when I was, my whole body would trembled and right now my body was trembling. I nodded again and told him about my nightmare.

"It was the night of our honeymoon only it was different. There was a man there. He was, I want to believe it was a Cerberus agent, but I can't be sure. One moment, I was standing next to you, then the next, you were killing him. After he was dead, you ran to me in worry because I had collapsed and you were trying to keep me awake..." My voice betrayed how I was feeling and Kaidan noticed.

"I... I think I died... in your arms..." I told him as tears of my own fell. Kaidan immediately pulled me further into his warm, comforting chest and I silently cried. I've never cried in front of others much less Kaidan but somehow, it made me feel closer to him.

"Shh... It's ok. I'm here. It was all a dream." Kaidan whispered sweetly, "Don't worry about being quiet, and don't hold it in. Let it all out. I'll never tell a soul that you cried, it'll be our secret." He continued as he slowly rubbed circles around my back. Just then, our door creaked open and a small voice filled the air,

"Daddies, I had a bad dream..." Both Kaidan and I turned to see our five year old adopted daughter, Lydia standing in the doorway holding her favorite stuffed animal, a white wolf. We glanced at each other before Kaidan told her lovingly,

"Come here, Little Wolf." 'Little Wolf' was our nickname for her. She sprinted toward me and I helped her up and over me to get her to the middle. Once in the middle, both Kaidan and I held her close and soon she was fast asleep.

"You weren't the only one to have a bad dream." Kaidan whispered to me and I nodded in agreement. You see, five years ago, Lydia's mother and father had died. Her mother had died giving birth to her, in which no one to this day understood why and about three weeks later, her father died. He gave his life for me, when I decided to destroy the Reapers. I don't know why he did what he did, but I'm glad. I'm not glad that he died but that I got another chance to be with the one I loved.

Kaidan placed one of his hands onto my face as he asked,

"You going to be ok?" I smiled and grabbed his hand in mine then placed a kiss on it before I nodded. Kaidan also smiled before we both fell asleep.

* * *

Two years later, Kaidan and I decided it was time to tell Lydia about her real parents. We were both scared that she would react badly and hate us forever. We wanted her to understand that we love her and care for her no matter who her real parents were. Taking Kaidan's hand in mine, we walked to her bedroom, and opened the door. Lydia was sitting on her bed reading when she glanced up at us and asked,

"What's wrong Daddies?" Staring up at us with her dark violet eyes, I guess we had a look on our faces that told her something was wrong. We moved to sit on her bed. Once Kaidan and I were settled, he looked to me then back at our daughter and began to tell her.

"Lydia, your father and I have something very important to say to you." She nodded her head and I squeezed Kaidan's hand reassuringly to help him continue,

"Lydia, we aren't your real parents. Your father and mother were Lloyd and Olivia. You see, your parents used to travel with us when it was during a time of war. Your father was a hero. He saved my life and your fathers more times than you can imagine." Lydia furrowed her brow in confusion and hurt at us as she couldn't really understand what Kaidan was saying. So I decided to step in and I told her all about her parents. I told her about the many missions, Kaidan, Lloyd and I had gone on. I told her everything. I ended with how they died.

"You see, Lydia, your mother loved you so much and wanted to be in your life but she couldn't. She had died having you and no one understood why. She was healthy and strong and yet she still died. Your father, Lloyd was devastated. He loved her so much that when he lost her, I think it broke him ways that no one but you mother could fill. She was beautiful, your mother. Olivia had brightest dark blue eyes and the longest platinum white hair, you had even seen. It wasn't even a month later, that your father died. He died saving myself and the whole world. He was handsome. Though not as handsome as your father over here." I told her pointing to Kaidan. I continued,

"Your father also had platinum white, like your mother and yourself. The only thing he had differently was his eyes. I have never seen such eyes. They were violet, a light colored violet much like your eyes, Lydia only much lighter." Tears had formed in her eyes but didn't fall, Kaidan wouldn't allow them. Kaidan grabbed her into his arms and placed her in between the both of us and he told her,

"No matter who your parents were, you, my Little Wolf, are our daughter and we love you. Always." She grabbed the both us into a hug and cried harder.

* * *

Fifteen years later, Lydia had just recently turned 22 and had told us she was getting married. Married?! Can you believe it? My little girl was getting married. However, I had begun to notice over the last few years, something was wrong with Kaidan. He was telling me that his headaches were getting worse and when things got real bad, I took him to the hospital. The doctors there told us it was normal for L2 implants and not worry. I, however, didn't listen to the doctors and tried to find better help.

Most days, Kaidan was fine. He be up and about, others he couldn't even move or even get out of bed. I was really worried for a while. That is in the last few days before our daughter's wedding, he was starting to get better. I thought everything had turned around. How was I to know, it was the calm before the storm.

It was the day of our daughter's wedding, and knowing Lydia, she would want both of us up and moving. So I turned over to face Kaidan; I woke him up with a kiss.

"Morning love." I told him as I placed another kiss to his lips. Kaidan smiled, although it looked a little weak, and told me,

"Morning babe. (Sigh)" I looked him over worrying and he caught me. "I'm ok. Go get into the shower and get ready. I'll be in shortly." He ordered me before he stole another kiss from me. I nodded and left the room. After taking a shower and got ready to go, I walked back into our bedroom only to find Kaidan hadn't moved. I smiled thinking 'He must've fallen back to sleep.' I walked over and placed a kiss to his lips and whispered,

"Kaidan, love, it's time to get up. You only have an hour to get ready." When Kaidan didn't move or even twitch that's when I noticed something was wrong.

"Kaidan? Baby?" I questioned worried and I shook him gently. He still hadn't moved. I had begun to shake. "Kaidan?! Baby? Please get up." I hadn't realized I had begun to cry until a tear had dropped onto my hand.

"Kaidan! No please! Get up! Baby!" I cried before I grabbed a phone and called the hospital. Within twenty minutes, the EMT's arrived and tried unsuccessfully to revive Kaidan. Lydia had come over after I called her and told her something was wrong with her father. She held me as I wept. She, I noticed was also crying, ruining her beautiful white wedding dress. Dean had held onto her shoulders in support.

Kaidan was my life. He was my everything.

* * *

A week later, a funeral was held and everyone from The Normandy had come. They told me they were sorry for my loss and I was glad they came. Everything was hard this last week and having them here was better. They helped me with the funeral costs because neither Lydia nor I could handle that. I thought about packing up some of his things but I just couldn't bring myself to touch them. I cried for days when the doctors told that his death was caused by his L2 implants, I had never been so angry and upset with myself for not seeing it.

I blamed myself for his death for years. I told myself, I should've seen it, I should've known. I screamed out every night,

"Why did you leave me behind?!" Or "What happened to 'Don't leave me behind?' Huh?" I would cry afterward and feel horrible. It wasn't until I nearly committed suicide in front of my daughter that I stopped blaming myself.

* * *

For fifteen years, I never remarried or even dated. Kaidan was and will forever be my one and only lover. I wore his dog tags with mine so that he was close to my heart. I still live in the same house, Kaidan and I picked out 37 years ago when Lydia was still just a baby. Now, though I'm not alone. My daughter Lydia and her family now lives with me.

So I watched her two kids, Kaiden, a girl and the oldest and Lloyd her younger brother, play outside. It was late afternoon, Lydia and her husband, Dean were making lunch. Lydia walked out to the porch and kissed my forehead before telling her kids and me,

"Lunch is ready." I smiled and told her 'I'll be in a minute'and she nodded and walked back inside with her kids on her heels. I was about to get up when a very familiar voice stopped me.

"Hello, my love." Tears started to fall as one thought flowed through my mind. Kaidan. I turned in my chair and saw him. He was his younger self but still it was Kaidan.

"Come on, Baby. Let's go see everyone." Before he helped me up and began to walk away. I reached for him but he moved out of reach. I yelled after him,

"Kaidan! Wait! Don't leave me behind!" But he still didn't stop. I yelled again, "Don't leave me behind, Kaidan!"

* * *

"Dont leave me behind..." I mumbled before I opened my eyes. I was in a hospital room as I glanced around the room. I noticed something was on my hand. So I lifted my hand up to see another hand attached. Following the hand up to a very familiar face, the sleeping face of my lover and husband Kaidan Alenko. He was young and so was I. I began to cry as I placed a kiss on his hand as I realized what had happened.

"It was all a dream." I whispered as Kaidan woke up and immediately smiled as tears of his own fell. He whispered,

"Hey Baby, welcome back. You had me so worried." He placed a kiss on my forehead down to my eyes before he captured my lips in a very worried and loving kiss.

Kaidan held my hand all the while nurses and doctors checked me over making sure nothing was wrong. As soon as they were done and had left, and Kaidan had carefully crawled onto the bed next to me, I asked,

"Kaidan, what happened to me?" I honestly don't remember what happened to me. Kaidan looked away before sighing and telling me.

"You were shot by a Cerberus agent. I reacted and killed him in an effort to save you though at the time I hadn't known you were shot. After he was dead, I ran back to you." His voice began to crack as more tears fell as he continued, "You were bleeding so heavily, I had to use my jacket to try and stop the bleeding. But the bleeding wouldn't stop and you fell unconscious. It was then I was so scared. I thought I had lost you. Some passerby had called the hospital and they came and took you away. It was hours before a doctor told me that you were alive and that the surgery went great. I've never felt more relieved than I did when you opened you beautiful blue eyes." Kaidan then placed his forehead on mine when he told me,

"Don't ever leave me behind like that again. I love you, Commander John Anlenko-Shepard." I smiled and told him,

"I wouldn't ever dream of it. And I love you, Major Kaidan Alenko-Shepard." As we kissed passionately, a small voice sounded at the door.

"Daddy...?" A little girl of five, our little girl, asked before she ran over to Kaidan. He helped her up and the three of us were asleep in minutes, all of us holding each other.

* * *

 **A.N.- Hi again. I hope everyone liked this story. Please don't forget to leave a review. I do love to get them.**


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